i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
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