my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
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