yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
