I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
