dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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