so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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