she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
