No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
