His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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