Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
