i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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