Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
