u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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