Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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