we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
you never un-have a 4some
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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