Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Success! We fucked roommates!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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