OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
