tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
