i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
