and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
