The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
