true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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