She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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