So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
