how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
