I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
