I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
