also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
