accomplished twins. life is a go
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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