you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
