it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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