my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
