Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
