Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
