like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
cat food counts as protein by the way
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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