Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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