I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
