its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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