Can i not drive my cunt home
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I didn't notice because vodka
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
