he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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