I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize