I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
