Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
