using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
