So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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