I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize