My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
