Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
