He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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