We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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