im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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