Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
What changed your mind?
Being sober
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
