using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
