seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
