Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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