Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
