I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
