You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
