Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
