At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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