How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
