we're blogging at a bar
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just googled if crying burns calories
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
