Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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