ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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