Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
How does one acquire holy water?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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