they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
