Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
