He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
