My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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