Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
