i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
